Listener Tales 108: 90's Tales!

[00:00] Hey weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And this, is this morbid? [00:04] Hello? Hello? Do you hear me? Reporting live from the scene, it's you. I'm gonna ask Casey, she's dead, but she can tell me what happened. [00:11] hey um hi if you haven't noticed i'm casey becker and i'm gail weathers and this is morbid it is [00:41] And just a bag of Cheetos. He is behind the camera right now. He's the cameraman. Damn. What up? I'm really pissed we didn't do that. Damn. One thing that I'm not pissed about is that we are going to be performing... [00:56] live at Radio City Music Hall June 27th. Please go buy your tickets at Ticketmaster.com, because that is the only place that you can buy them where we approved the prices, and bots didn't buy them up and start selling them elsewhere, jacking up the prices. Do it! So do it! It's New York! Come on, it's gonna be fun, it's gonna be one night only. [01:15] Fun, fun, fun. [01:17] I said maybe, but it's not even a maybe. We're going to be dressed up. We are absolutely going to be dressed up. Costumes are kind of our thing. They are. It's Halloween every day here. I should get a costume store. [01:28] You should. More of a costume store. I feel like that would ruin it, though. Oh, wow. You know? Okay. Like, if you get a whole store. Yeah. I don't want to run a store. I don't want to run a store. Bye. So forget that. Bye that idea.

[01:38] And you know what? When you pre-order my new book, just shifting gears a little bit, everything is pretty bloody. [01:46] you know segue segue when you pre-order my new book the butcher legacy you can submit your receipt and you can get a really cool custom spooky bookmark i'm telling you these bookmarks are the coolest fucking bookmarks i've ever seen i love it so cool i haven't seen them yet oh wait until you see oh i want to see it they're so fun so head to my instagram um in the or the link to the episode and there's going to be details on how to enter but you need your receipt [02:12] That shows that you pre-ordered The Butcher Legacy. And you will get a chance to win this really cool bookmark. And I'm telling you, you want to try to win this bookmark. You have to show it to me after this, please. I do. Okay. Now, enough with the business, because this show is brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you. Hell yeah, it was. So let's get to your motherfucking tales. Let's do it. I just like pointing this thing at everybody. I like using this like it's a microphone, but this is my actual microphone, and it's confusing me. That is a little confusing. I could see that. Mikey's like, please talk into the real one. [02:42] stand. [02:43] that is not nicholas is that nicole again is that nicole again if we bring nicole into this room again oh nicole is gonna be mad i know he doesn't like when nicole shows up he hates that shit i don't blame him you go first you're you like to read the first tale [02:57] You go, you like it. I can't get over how much you look like. Like, you always do a good job with your costumes, but I think this one takes the cake. He's touching you.

[03:10] Bye. [03:11] I kind of want him to be like, yeah, you're stunning. I thought he was going to say something like that, but he took it kind of to a weirder place than I thought we were going to go to right off the bat. [03:20] What? [03:21] Did he say portrait? Oh, he wants to paint you like one of his girls. [03:26] He said, post. [03:27] Struck a pulse. Go on, Vogue. Let Nicholas paint you from the afterlife. [03:34] thank you nicholas um what were you gonna say i was just telling you you look good i'm actually so proud of this find yeah i like searched the interwebs this is like a 10th you know hand-me-down jacket i found you something i have a jacket just like that that i bought for realsies and in fact it's raining today i was like oh i should have worn my gold trench not even thinking that we were filming today can you imagine yeah i was really proud of this i had these shoes which [04:04] chunky. Yeah. And yeah, I think this was one I was proud of. Yeah, I'm proud of it for you. It's always iconic when you can find that thing that you're like, that actually looks like it. Can I tell you something? Like, that might sound rude, but it's not. Yeah. I didn't like your hair at first because I think it was so different than your actual hair. You could do that color, actually. Thank you. You could. Huh. And I don't do the cut, but I like the cut for the, for what

[04:34] I like your Lord Farquaad. Somebody asked if I was wearing a wig and I was a little bit offended. But then I said, I know I changed my hair a lot, but I wouldn't do this purposefully and make it this big and like Farquaadian. So, so yeah, this is a wig. Yeah, it's a wig. It's a wig. But. [04:55] Can we please take a moment to admire... [04:57] the intestines this was a group project so i was just gonna get like rope and kind of like bundle it on here but elena got me heatless curlers and then mikey gave me wire to kind of like bunch them up yeah bunch them up and then i just put the blood everywhere and i hot glued it really was it was a group project it was it came out great and debbie was supportive she said you guys are so talented she did that you need that you know [05:22] Did your shoe just make a crazy sound? [05:25] No. I just heard a crazy sound. What was it? Like, from this area. Or maybe it didn't. It was like... [05:30] It scared me a little bit. It made me uneasy. Maybe it's Nicholas. I don't know. He is touching. So I guess we'll get into this. Okay. [05:38] And we'll see what Nicholas has to say. Oh, these are 90s themed tales because we're 90s themed. Yeah. Deb Deb found some really good 90s themed tales and I'm excited about it. Because Scream came out the year of my birth. Holy shit. That's my birth movie. Yeah. Yeah. People were like in the theater as I was like through the birth canal. Yep. [05:57] Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty rad. Thank you for that.

[06:01] It's kind of like a luge. You know, every pregnant woman describes it like that. They say it's just a luge. [06:11] just the leash if you have twins it's like the ones where they lay on top of each other like the double bob slug yeah that's exactly what it was like no one laughs harder at my jokes than i do like that's what we love i got myself it makes me laugh harder so i like that [06:29] But yeah, that's exactly what it's like. As someone who had twins. Mikey just dropped something. Mikey's throwing Nicholas. I don't appreciate it. Nicholas never laughs at me. Nicholas is going to get very angry. All right, so this first tale... [06:43] is called McMiracle, How a Happy Meal Saved Us from Paul Bernardo's Clutches. Oh, fuck. [06:50] Is that the Barbie and Ken killer? Yeah. Oh. [06:53] Oh, he's gross. He's the worst. Yeah. Holy shit. What's going to happen here? You're in Canada, aren't you? You must be. Once upon a time in the unassuming town of St. Catharines, Ontario, where summer meant maple syrup festivals and beaver sightings. Not really. It's incredibly dull factory town, but a girl's got to try. Oh, maple syrup festivals. They should make that happen. Why don't they do that? Yeah, make that happen, Canada. They must do that somewhere. Come on, Canada. [07:23] serial killer that even Hollywood would think it's too far-fetched for a movie. But life has a knack for being absurd. [07:29] Doesn't it? It sure fucking does. It keeps doing that.

[07:33] It all happened during the summer of 92, when our little dot on the map was reeling from the discovery of the horrific murder of 14-year-old Leslie Mahaffey, followed soon after by the abduction of 15-year-old Kristen French. [07:46] It is an awful... [07:48] awful fucking story. Yeah, that was one of our earlier cases. Oh, it's awful. At the time of this story, Kristen was still missing, and the entire Niagara region was on high alert. Sadly, we would all too soon learn that both beautiful girls had been kidnapped, brutalized, and eventually murdered by the putrid anal swabs. Yes. That's perfect. Putrid [08:09] Anal swabs is exactly what they are. Yeah. Who do not even deserve to be named. But we unfortunately have to. In case you don't know. Paul Bernardo and Carla Homolka. [08:20] That summer, while in college, shout out Brock University, go Badgers! Go B-A-gers! Hell yeah! Eh? I was working for the Traveling Playgrounds, a community-based summer program that offered recreational activities for children at various local parks throughout the city. Traveling Playgrounds is wild. That's awesome. I love it. We worked in teams, and my partner Allison and I would head out each morning pulling our trailer filled with games and crafts for the kiddies to various local stops. This next part may seem... [08:49] trite but we'll factor later in the story allison was a petite build about five feet tall athletic with small features and very pretty i on the other hand was a bigger gal well i should say i wasn't also a looker but i did enjoy my share of dairy queen blizzards with extra helpings of smarties that sounds amazing which is an eminem wannabe canadian candy i didn't know that i thought so

[09:19] Looks so heavy with a Dairy Queen blizzard. Hell yeah, now I want one. We should... [09:23] You know, they deliver. [09:24] We're getting Dairy Queen lizards for lunch. Thank you for that. Yeah. Thank you for that. Uh, hell yeah. Oh, so. Oh my God. And they give you toast with it. Like as a side. They give you toast. Yeah. Me and Drew kind of frequent Dairy Queen a lot. I was going to watch. Yeah. So you get, you get like a box, like whatever you want. I think they have like corn dogs. Let me tell you all about it. They have, I get the chicken tenders that are really good and you can get fries or onion rings. And then as a side, they give you buttered toast. [09:51] That's what we're getting for lunch. Period. I'm fueling myself like a champion today. I ate a healthy breakfast, so fuck off. So fuck off. It's cool. Also, the world is ending. Yeah. Give it a chance. Eat what you want. Why you eating so good? The world is ending. All right. You may want to look it up to be absolutely underwhelmed. But back to our... Yeah, it's okay. The Smarties from here, if they're not the same, are really good. Yeah, they are really good. So... [10:18] try those um i'll send you some okay you send us we'll send you those and you send us back those um those cheesy the cheesy like fucking chip the puffs yes [10:30] oh what are they hold on i'm gonna look it up because it's gonna piss me off there's a canadian thing i know we're getting off track but whatever man it's listener this is very important [10:39] It's a cheesy... [10:41] Like almost like a Cheeto. Yeah, it's like a Cheeto. It's crispy. They're called Cheezies. Cheezies. Cheezies. These things. Send me some Cheezies. Big boy Cheezies. Oh, hell yeah. Get us those. I will send you some Smarties if you send me Cheezies. Yeah. Okay, girl. Oh, oh, sorry. And Tim Tams. There you go. I'm all done. Yep. Okay, we're good now. But back to our story. Even she knew even. She was like, you know what? I think you're going to get off on here. Suffice it to say, with my birthing hips and boobies,

[11:11] Good for you, Queen. Good for you. On the fateful day in question, Allison and I pulled into one of the local parks, the knowing of which would later shake us to our very cores. When we would learn it was right around the corner from the house where the horrific murders of Leslie and Kristen took place. [11:41] Oh, I fucking hate that. [11:50] Paul Bernardo. [11:52] What the fuck? The fact that you were that close to this motherfucker is horrifying. [11:58] He stood looking silently in our direction. I, for no other reason than basic instinct, froze in place and gathered the children closer to me. Good on you. Yeah, that's, I love an instinct. Allison, on the other hand, assumed this must be a parent looking to drop off his child and approach the van. With a creepy grin that could rival the Jokers, that shit stain began asking Allison questions like, when we were at the particular park each week, what time, [12:28] to the park alone? I have full body chills as I recall and write this. Allison quickly grew alarmed by his line of questioning and began to slowly step back in the direction of me and the children. As soon as she did, he also took a step forward. Oh, that's when you got a junk jab. Yep. I watched stress indeed, Nicholas. I watched the scene unfolding and moved hastily in the direction of my own car, attempting to reach through the driver's window for my car phone. Yes, ladies,

[12:58] If anyone listening is too young to know what that is, fuck you. Google it. Iconic. The tension escalated and I felt the bile rising in my throat as it was clear this individual had every intention of continuing his inch by inch pursuit. Like in front of everyone. And children. [13:14] And that's when our savior arrived, not on a white horse, but a white pickup truck with obnoxiously loud bass speakers clutching McDonald's bag. Ray, the hero of our absurd tale, was my boyfriend at the time. I did end up marrying him, then later left him and St. Catherine's behind for the bright lights of New York City. But that's a tale of its own. Don't judge. I never will. [13:36] I will not judge you, girl. Never. Ray was working construction in the neighborhood, and since he knew my weekly park schedule, he had decided to surprise us with lunch. Aww. From Mickey D's. What a real one. What a man. From what I know. [13:48] From what we know, he pulled up right next to Mr. Creepy Van holding a brown paper bag containing. Yes, you guessed it. Happy meal. Let's fucking go. What would two grown college girls want with a happy meal? You may ask. Sweet and sour. Why the toys, of course. Good old Mickey D's was doing some sort of toy promotion that I honestly can't remember anymore. [14:09] But back then we were all obsessed with collecting anything and everything we could get our hands on. Collecting was a huge part of the 90s. That's the truest shit. I had every 90s, like, little toy. Yeah. And I didn't get to go to McDonald's all the time. No. And it's just because my parents were like, no, fast food. Oh, bitch, my mom was trash. We went all the time. It was always, like, a very special occasion. Like, if I, like, went to my doctor's appointment. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? But, yeah, so collecting was a big part of the 90s.

[14:39] I remember those little, they had little Barbie toys. Oh, yeah. Do you remember the Barbie toys? I still have some of mine. That's so cool. Yeah. I remember, like, hearing about those. I don't remember, like, getting them. Hell yeah, they were awesome. I think Drew's cousin once dunked one of her Barbie heads into a... [14:56] ketchup thing damn yeah she got in trouble for it that's intense yeah it's funny so again lunchbox town ladies so cut us a little slack all we had was the occasional prize at the bottom of a cheerios box and premarital sex to keep us teens from heading to the dark side i kid you not it was as if the universe had sent a clown car convoy to rescue us shockingly mr serial killer didn't stick around for the happy meal surprise he jumped in the van at the first sight of ray and peeled out [15:26] Oh, remember that movie. Right. [15:37] And the ultimate apprehension of the killer couple. We love seeing two bad bitches. Yes. Two bad bitches. At a park. [15:48] Months passed and we all went on with our lives. Allison and I returned to college and lost touch, as teenagers do. Then one day the story broke. An arrest was finally made and the entire Niagara region gathered around their collective television sets to hear the evening news. [16:07] coffee's disappearances paul bernardo's grotesque image hadn't appeared on the screen for more than a few seconds when the kitchen phone rang back then i didn't need caller id to know it would be ellison on the other end trembling like chihuahuas on espresso with paws made of lead we that's a beautiful image yeah we took turns stumbling over the bone chilling words it's him it's the guy from the park oh that's so fucking scary circling back to my earlier seemingly non-sequitur about my enjoyment of one too many smarty lizards you ladies and listeners have

[16:37] Oh my god. [16:59] Oh, that's so chilling. A fucking happy meal had saved Allison from the clutches of serial killer, and the irony was too much for any of us to bear. Sometimes even life's darkest moments need to be served with a side of humor to make them a bit more palatable. Agreed. So that, my morbid lovelies, is the tale of how a teenage boy, armed with nothing more than a lunch bag in the dream of getting some, became the unlikely hero in the face of truly unspeakable evil. [17:29] public safety, maybe go grab yourselves a Happy Meal. Threaten me with a good time. Uh-oh. Except you inspired us to get Dairy Queen. But here's the thing. What? Now you want a Happy Meal? Are we going to get Mickey D's with Dairy Queen for dessert? [17:41] No, I want the bread. [17:43] We can get it all. Why choose one? Get whatever you want. I'm getting a chicken basket with toast. All right, I'm getting both in your honor. You're getting both. Look at you. She's a bad bitch. I'm hungry. You have a fast metabolism. That... [17:58] was a shocking tale. Yeah, I did not expect that to go like that. Because I never think of like, what it would be like, not just to see somebody that you later find out is a serial killer, but to almost be abducted by them to actually interact with them and have like a weird moment with them and have it be like,

[18:14] that could have been us next and to know that Kristen French, [18:18] was alive. Well, that's just at the park. Because we always say like, when we're telling these cases and like something awful happens, it's like, imagine like somebody was just next door, like cleaning their house. And I had no idea. And that's such a prime example. These kids are playing at the park. [18:32] I have not a care in the world. And Christian French is a few blocks away alive. Yeah. [18:37] And he's just out patrolling for someone else. It's awful. It really is. So scary just how bleak life is sometimes. It really is. All right. Well, next case is maybe a bit of a palate cleanser based on the name. Listener tale. The time my dad got yeeted by the Jersey Devil. Hell yeah. And it was meant for me. Yeah. How my dad getting yeeted by the Jersey Devil led to my lifelong interest in the weird and macabre. Hello, you beautiful bad bitches, mavens of the macabre, mistresses of the morbid, collectors of the crazy. [19:07] see we're all collecting collecting collecting shit i've been a fan and avid listener of morbid since covid and let me tell you it was distressing to listen to you talk about all your future grand adventures in the early seasons knowing that none of them would happen because of the rona yeah the rona the number of times i said oh you sweet summer child as you unknowingly mentioned some tour get together to happen post march 2020 uh had to have been in the hundreds that being said

[19:37] Ouch. And my misadventures in baking. Don't deny it. We all tried to make fancy pants bread in our kitchen during lockdown. Yeah, it's true. You know what I made so much of during lockdown? Instant coffee or whipped coffee. Whipped coffee. You never made whipped coffee? Well, you have children. I was just going to say I wasn't making whipped coffee. I was surviving. You put like instant coffee, sugar and then like water or milk and you like either froth it or you like hand mix it. I love frothing anything. Me too. We should make it. It's actually really good. [20:07] Let's start frothing tomorrow. Women of New York. Thank you for frothing yourselves. [20:12] No, I was just trying to become a preschool teacher. [20:15] Yeah, I helped a little bit with that. You did, and it was an experience. Teachers are the best and deserve lots of money. And it sounds like you might be a teacher. Yeah, so I hope you get many raises. I hope you get a lot of money. [20:39] So, I can't wait to read your book, Elena. Oh, thanks! I'm stuck in my smut era, so it'll have to wait until I'm done reading about beans destroying the jeans. Awesome. Ash, I hope your wedding was fan-fucking-tastic. It was. I love you. I got married in 2021, and I look back on it and wish I could do it all over again because it was amazeballs. Oh, me too. I always, like, I want to experience my wedding again.

[21:06] and between that and having all my friends and family around it was the best night ever i only hope that everyone who gets married has the absolute best time ever me too what a sweetie you are really sweet as a forward you can use my name and any other information that comes up in this tale you aren't the first people i've told and you sure as hell won't be the last hell yeah one of my go-tos uh to show how messed up in a good way my childhood was love that let's do it [21:36] Jersey. You know, that little dingleberry turd that hangs off the little dude that is my state. That one. Most people think of the congested, smog-infested city suburbs when they think of New Jersey. But where I live, it's more sandy back roads and farms. Yes, we are inundated with shoobies in the summer, but outside of those times, it's quiet and peaceful. Shoebies? Do you know what a shoobie is? I don't know what a shoobie is. Let's find out what a shoobie is. I'll look it up while you do this. All right. [22:01] I'll let you interrupt me. When I was very young, we didn't have air conditioning, so we would go on peanut rides where we would get ice cream and cruise around with the AC on, enjoying the respite from the heat. Most of the time, we would end up driving down Jake's Landing, a short, rather straight road that went out to a boat in the marsh. I found out what a shoobie is. Hit me up. It is a term used by locals on the southern New Jersey coast and parts of California to describe day-tripping tourists who visit the beach, often arriving by train or bus. [22:31] obsessed with that. Just arriving on the boardwalk. I love it. I like it a lot. The road was partially flanked by cedars, all in straight rows, part of the CCC program in the 30s, and a small family cemetery from the early 1800s. Spooky. I love that.

[22:45] There used to be farm stands out there, but the houses were moved to the closest town or to Cold Spring Village, a 19th century open air, open air museum, I was going to say. Open air living museum. There are no lights and the trees are so thick that the moonlight barely filters through. Hello? That sounds spooky and awesome. To say it's spooky is an understatement. Oh, okay. My parents, the unhinged people they are, would always try to scare us. So, of course, the Jersey Devil lived down in Jake's Landing. [23:15] is a bat-winged, deer-headed, cloven-hooved menace that terrorizes the Pine Barrens, and according to my mom, he loves children who eat ice cream, which coincidentally, my brother Daniel and I had most likely just consumed. Yep, that's some real mom share. You were being bad kids that night. Usually, we were safe inside the confines of the car, but this night, this very memorable night, we weren't as safe as we thought. We were driving along, enjoying our ice cream in the cool air, [23:45] as my dad tried to get the car to move, but we stayed motionless. The trees leaned over the car, blocking out what little moonlight there was. The only light for miles was the headlights, and who knew how long they would continue to protect us from the lurking darkness. My dad bravely said that he would venture out to see if he could find something wrong with the engine, and despite my mom's dramatic protestations, he popped the hood and opened his door. Daniel 6 and I 3 sat in the back seat, wide-eyed and sticky-mouthed from the dripping ice cream,

[24:15] into what was certain death. He walked calmly into the front of the car, lifted the hood, and tinkered under there, muttering, son of a ham sandwich, or flipping flying squirrels. Amazing dad shit right there. Truly. Showing his frustration and not finding anything wrong. After a few minutes, he walked to my mom's side of the car, she put down the window, and he explained that he couldn't find anything wrong, and he was going to have to walk to the us. [24:39] This was the 1990s and cell phones were only for the very rich and important. Just as my mom sighed, accepting that tonight would be a long night, my father let out a shriek like I've never heard before. You never want your dad to let out a shriek. No. Even when you've heard before. You just never want him to yell out a shriek. Maybe. [25:00] It usually means something bad is happening. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Well, he started, this definitely means something bad is happening. [25:09] Oh my god! [25:27] I sat frozen in the back seat as the biggest, strongest man I had ever known was being devoured. My brother, on the other hand, realized that he was the man of the house now, since my dad was obviously going to die. So he calmly locked the doors and told my mom to roll out the windows so we would be safe. He is six. At six, he's like, Mama, well, I'm the man of the house. He just grew a mustache in that moment. He's like, Mama. He pulled out a cigar. He's like, well. Side note, I'm once dead.

[25:57] side note i'm not sure why we thought a mythical being that was centuries old couldn't figure out how to break into the car but we did yeah the car started rocking violently oh my god and my dad kept shouting as he fought off the jersey devil i knew this was the last time i was going to hear my dad's voice what i was going to be the girl whose dad was killed by the jersey devil god my mom would be widowed because her husband was eaten by a cryptid our lives would never be the same again [26:27] Suddenly, my dad popped up next to the driver's side door, a bit dirty, but relatively unharmed. He screamed at my mom to unlock the doors, hopped in, and started the car. [26:37] Yeah. Yeah. [26:50] It wasn't until later in life that I realized none of that actually happened and my parents are just turd buckets who like scaring their children for the lulls of it all. Your parents are everything. All of it was just a huge joke. And now that I know how neutral works in a car, it all makes sense. [27:06] not neutral i love your parents however these types of interactions along with growing up in a 19th century house where invisible old ladies would gossip in the empty living room and babies would cry in the vacant bedrooms helped me helped lead me down the dark moobit and the moobit hey weirdos this is we're moving we're gonna talk about cows today anyway helped lead me down the

[27:36] and spooky path. I am now a card-carrying memo. I have to go! A card-carrying memo of the movement. [27:47] I said, like, Mambo. Mambo number five. [27:54] You can leave that on, and I don't care. Your intestines are falling out, so it's okay. I'm literally bleeding out here. Yeah, you're gonna be a little off. Feeling a little woozy! I'm feeling a little woozy! Alright, I am now a card-carrying member of the weird party. Same, clearly. Thank you, ladies, for all the entertainment you provide. You're welcome. [28:17] I know it's not easy having to deal with death and murder every day, but you bring a shit ton of joy into many people's homes. And I'm sure I speak for everyone when we say we appreciate everything you do. Hope you have a fantabulous day and keep it weird, but not as weird as your dad, who literally scared you in the middle of the summer when you were just trying to enjoy the ice cream and the fucking cold AC weather. And he got dragged under the car by the Jersey Devil. But really, it was just him playing a prank on his children, which we are obsessed with. [28:42] keep it that weird i think keep it that weird that was wild and i'm obsessed with your parents that was so funny uh let's see this one listener a listener tales special two pada the night a dream saved my boyfriend's future future wife what [28:58] My best friend, maybe? [28:59] BF. Yeah, best friend. BF. I was like your boyfriend. Unless you're your sister wife. Unless it's you. And Casper and friends head to the Jersey Shore. Obsessed. Jersey again. Greetings, weirdly wonderful ladies. My name is Dennis. Yes, named after the menace. I love that. And you can certainly use my name and my wife's name, who will shit the largest phallus if she ever hears this. Not the largest phallus.

[29:24] I do be like that sometimes. [29:30] I'm confused. Me too! [29:35] You're not alone, Nicholas! I'm confused. [29:39] Nicholas, you don't shart. [29:46] Nicholas, we get it. I'm screaming. I'm with you. Oh, shit. I have two strange tales to share with you, and I apologize in advance for oversharing. [29:54] and perhaps being long-winded. Don't do that. [29:58] Oh, do you like my perfume? [30:01] you're like mine he always talks to you so he does he needs to like me i need to be like too you're like you like my perfume my perfume which one do you like nicholas i'm just kidding if you're wearing the vanilla perfume that's my perfume too technically it's true but um [30:22] She's getting gnarly. I'm getting hungry. I need a Dairy Queen snack. [30:28] But first, let me explain how I came to be aware of your Morbidly Fun podcast with the following double space puttapha. [30:35] My third and current wife, Kelly, and last, by the way. I read that as my third aunt and current wife. And I said, Dennis, what? I said, Dennis, you are a mess. I said, what's going on? [30:51] My third aunt and current wife would be nuts.

[30:58] My third and current wife, Kelly, and last, by the way, had been walking around the house with her earbuds in, which I couldn't see because of her long hair. Doing things crafty as witchy women like her are wont to do. Oh, hell yeah. Whether it be crocheting blankets for the kids. We have three. Oh. Yay. [31:21] Amazing. And three sister rats, Winifred, Mary and Sarah. And yes, named appropriately after the Sanderson sisters are procrastinating doing laundry. It never ends. I feel that. [31:33] Every so often, I'd hear a laugh chortle or, oh my God, thinking the kids had finally driven her insane, I asked what she was going on about. It was at this time that she removed one of her earbuds and shared you both with me. I listened to the rest of the show she was listening to and was hooked. I liked how you both recited your stories, despite not being able to tell your voices apart, and love how you admonish the monsters in those tales as if they could hear you. [32:03] hysterics or giggle fits. Mostly when you're reading these listener tales. [32:08] See, both your reactions of you can fuck all the way off. What the fuck? I just can't. And that is so beyond what I'm usually thinking, too. I think of my wife as your third sister, as she's a lover of the spooky and Halloween is to her what Christmas is to me. An enchanting time of wonder and happiness. Period. I love you guys. Enough of me espousing my admiration for you, too. Let's go to the good stuff.

[32:38] etc i'm an atheist who believes that even though i cannot explain such phenomena i don't dismiss or look down at those that do or that it isn't real i simply believe that the scientific explanation hasn't been discovered yet of the two stories i'm about to share i cannot to this day explain them and that's okay what a wonderful attitude you have yeah i like it's like i can't explain them and that's cool doesn't matter even better love that [33:04] Chapter one, the dream that saved my best friend's future wife. There it is. Okay, we figured it out. This tale takes place in the way, way back time of the 1990s. I had a best friend at the time, we'll call him Jack, and another friend I would go out clubbing with that we'll call Diane, since I don't believe the current generation may not get the reference. But clubbing meant going out from nightclub to nightclub, drinking, dancing, etc. I've been clubbing. [33:29] On this night, Jack and I and some other guy friends were going to meet up with Diane and some of her girlfriends and spend the night going from bars to clubs and at some point end up at a 24 hour diner. I should have mentioned that this takes place in the great state of New Jersey, land of all night diners. Lucky. I didn't know that was a thing. We have one all night diner in Boston. Just one. We had made plans to start a sports bar and end up at a to start at a sports bar. I was like, wow, this escalated so fast. I was like, what an amazing night. [33:59] You became entrepreneurs in that night. You began at a sports bar and ended up in a nightclub. My routine... [34:07] Touch. He's touching you. Or touching you.

[34:10] now he's touching you he liked my perfume but now he's touching you yeah thanks you get like you smell good i get the assault nice she's like you can have that one [34:24] My routine for a night out had always been to come home, nap, shower, dress, and head out. This particular night, however, I wasn't feeling well and let both Jack and Diane know I was probably going to stay in. [34:35] And here's where it gets spooky. Jack and Diane was almost lost on us. Did you catch that? It absolutely was. Yeah. Until it was said together. Little ditty about Jack and Diane. [34:44] He was going to show us. He was like, I got it. He said, I knew it was Jack and Diane. I'll show you. What if he just queued up the song? I know. Little ditty. Jack and Diane. I dreamed that my friend Diane was in her car following Jack and others and got into a head-on collision with another vehicle while turning across the highway. That gave me a chill. [35:05] Though we are known. [35:19] to you. [35:20] *Screaming* [35:23] oh shit the way you just slid across oh my god I need to see that footage everything in me needs to see that I'm okay oh my god my stomach hurts

[35:53] You're going to be better than not there. You're like flying. [35:59] I'm crying. Oh my god. I was going to yell into the camera like, what? But then you were like, whoop. Leave it all in. Leave all of that chaos in. Oh my god. Did my wig fall off? Oh, Nicholas. Did you trip me? Is the wig on? Did you just say your wig is on? Did I lose my wig? The wig you just said Diane. I know. Of all fucking names. [36:23] I tell ya. Wow, I was freaked out and then I fell. Damn. [36:31] That was crazy. If we don't make that a clip. [36:39] Guys, guys, this listener tale was crazy. No, the thing about me is I love when people fall. It's 10 times funnier when you yourself fall. Though we're known for our cloverleaf turns, there were still some highways that had left turn lights. I must have had some kind of fever because I woke up sweating as I slept to the point of perhaps in need of floaties. [36:59] But since cell phones were yet to be even close to what they are today, mostly for the well-to-do and celebrities, I had no way to call to see if my dream was simply that or something more sinister. The sense of dread that I felt spurned me to jump in my car and head to the bar I knew they were going to be at. You're a good friend. I know. At arriving at the bar, both Jack and Diane were there, along with our other friends, and everything seemed to be okay. I recounted my dream to them, and while the guys just kind of laughed it off, the ladies seemed to give my tale more credence.

[37:29] were witchy a little while later it was decided that the bar was no longer the place to be at and we started off for another venue for libations since most of us had brought our own cars there was almost a funeral procession of us headed out at the particular intersection i dreamed about i was in front and jack behind me and diane a few vehicles behind him jack and i made the light and turned leaving the rest of them behind at the light and headed to the next bar [37:53] Jack and I arrived and waited for Diane and her friends. While some of our other friends showed up, Diane never did. After 30 minutes, I started to get worried. I played out in my mind that she probably stopped for gas, caught a little traffic, etc. After an hour, I started getting panicky. I'm not the one who gets panicked. I'm usually the one who remains calm during stressful situations. Probably due in part to my time in the U.S. Marines. Yeah, I would say that's it. When one of our friends who I knew to be behind Diane finally arrived, I asked what happened. [38:23] He said there was a terrible accident. The car in front of Diane was hit nearly head on at the intersection. While he didn't know the extent of the injuries to the person that was hit, he did say that Diane was so rattled she ended up just going home. Oh, shit. [38:38] Whoa. Jack ended up going over to her house to see if she was doing okay, as he lived not far from her. She was a bit shaken, especially after my dreaming of what could have happened had I not been there to possibly be another car in the line that instead would have put her at the intersection at the wrong time. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. Yeah. Yeah. [38:57] Turns out this is what started a relationship between Jack and Diane. They're still married with two kids to this day. And the reason I was made godfather to their firstborn. I had never had a similar experience since. Yeah, that was a divine fucking message. That's fucking crazy. That's nuts.

[39:15] You can't explain that. [39:29] The next one is chapter two. Casper and friends go down to the shore. I'm obsessed. This story takes place during the marriage to my second wife known as she who shall not be named. And for the sake of brevity, you may refer to her as Lilith as she nearly sucked the life out of me. Or nor. Quick note, this was a rebound marriage after the failure of my first marriage when she had decided after being married for five years that she did not want to have children. She was a school teacher [39:56] Well, this birthday was the 19th of September, and we had decided to spend it down at the shore. And... [40:03] Neat, neat. At the picturesque seaside town of Cape May, New Jersey. September at the Jersey Shore could be hit or miss with the weather, depending on how soon Mother Nature wanted fall to arrive. But we decided that a little chill at night wouldn't keep us away. We had rented a room at the somewhat famous Peter Shields Inn. [40:23] Fire bliss. Oh, I'm glad we both heard that. He said fireplace. Then he said, be careful. [40:32] Oh. [40:32] he said he's like okay you got it okay got it what if something with the fireplace happens in this story [40:38] I think you should fall again if that happens. [40:42] We arrived late Friday for the weekend and were spent from the drive about three hours. We were lucky because we had made reservations in advance and there was a wedding that was happening the next day and the hotel was booked. The inn was a classic Shore Victorian home with rooms on the second floor and restaurant banquet hall on the first floor. There's a grand staircase that leads up to the second floor.

[41:08] at the base of the u-shape in order to get to the other side of the landing to the other rooms you had to pass our room and a fireplace thank you for these photos that's helping me understand this i know it's also really pretty that night we had heard other guests arriving some uh some to be very late in the evening and thought nothing of it and went to sleep sometime after midnight i woke to find to someone knocking softly on our door as if not entirely sure that they wanted to wake anyone else up [41:33] At this hour, I went to the door and quietly asked, who is it? No answer. I opened the door slowly, but saw no one. Thinking I had imagined the knocking, I closed the door and went back to sleep. [42:03] her home or in this case up to our room reason number one why the marriage ended but that's the different horror story i imagine yeah again it was after midnight when this time i heard a child or children giggling and running up and down the hallway outside our door i tried to pay no mind to the noise but i did think it was very late for kids to be up but that was parenting in the 90s without a sitter i guess it was a kid or kids from the wedding party that were up because their parents were still partying again great 90s parenting again i could hear giggling and running [42:33] and down the hall. This time the ruckus, yes, I can describe the ruckus, sir, was enough to awaken Lilith from her drunken slumber and nudge me out of bed to take care of them. She's like, kill those kids. Kill those kids for me. That's why I don't want them. And he's like, that's why the marriage ended. So I got up and dressed as I expected to have to confront these kids and perhaps the parents about being so disruptive at such a late hour. It sounds like they're literally just outside my door. And when I open it, nothing.

[43:00] Nothing, nobody is out there. At first, I thought maybe they had made it to their own rooms, but there was no way they could have done that without at least me catching the door closing as the nearest door to the next room was more than 15 feet away. Yeah. I asked out into the emptiness to faint, hello? With no response. Puzzled, I turned back to go into the room and as I closed the door, I could swear I heard the faintest giggle. I'm obsessed with that. Chalking it up to me being too slow, I went back to bed. The next morning as we came down for breakfast, I had struck up a conversation with the [43:30] hostess about the wedding and the noises that happened she apologized for the wedding being a bit rowdy and said it was okay as a wedding is a party and people should have fun or i said it was okay i was like she said that to you i was like rude [43:42] And I said it was okay, as a wedding is a party and people should be having fun celebrating. I then mentioned that even so, keeping kids up that late and letting them run around and really wasn't being respectful to the other guests. And that's when the banter became awkward. The hostess said that there were no children staying at the inn this weekend. Ew. I asked if she was certain, and she said the wedding was an adults-only wedding and that there were definitely no children. [44:06] She looked uneasy and excused herself and came back momentarily with a manager. [44:12] I recounted my experience. The hostess and manager looked at each other and began to tell me the tale of Peter Shields Inn. She said that while they don't advertise or like to make it known, there were rumors that the inn was haunted. Haunted by the 15-year-old son of Peter Shields, who had died from an accidental hunting accident. Apparently...

[44:31] Earl had asked to go hunting with a friend, but his parents forbade him to go. He went anyway, and on his return, he was climbing out of a boat, and while using a rifle as a crutch to get out, the gun discharged and shot him in the head. Holy shit. He allegedly feels guilty for disobeying his mother and has never left the house. That's so sad. I was flabbergasted. Lilith was shocked as well. As I stated earlier, I don't believe in such things, but I know what I heard, and I will swear to you up and down to this day that what I experienced was real. [45:01] believe you since you don't believe in that yeah uh since we were checking out that day we didn't feel the need to yeet out of there but well i have been back to cape mace many times i have never stayed there again i don't blame you and there you have it i hope i haven't been too long-winded and i've attached some extra pictures of us cosplaying at the new york comic-con as my wife usually makes all of our costumes and i thought you'd get a kick out of them oh that's amazing and she's a badass oh and your family is beautiful oh my god the kids are so cute keep up the great [45:31] and keep it weird enough that even though you don't believe in premonitions, that when you do have one, it saves someone you love. But don't keep it weird enough to be kept up at night by kids who aren't your own. [45:40] damn wow these costumes are awesome i know she's wildly talented and you guys oh you guys are so cool i'm like look at that [45:52] Oh, you guys are cool as hell. Oh, I love these. Oh, yeah. [45:56] Oh my god. Oh my god, Spike! Holy shit! What the hellie? You and James Marsters. P.S. I had every intention of sending this in before my wife and I took a trip up to Salem, but the ADHD kicked in and I got lost in the shuffle. We understand that. I totally get that. That was awesome. That was such a good tale. Holy shit. Holy shit, for real. Damn. Oh, so spooky. I believe that you heard ghost children. 100%. And I believe that you had a premonition that saved your friend's life. I think so.

[46:26] to get married. I think so. Because he... [46:29] The whole thing was you had to have gotten in line to push Diane backwards. Right, exactly. That was the whole thing. So you weren't going and something in the universe was like, bitch, get up. Yeah. [46:39] I believe that completely. Oh, that's so funny. Because I've seen that happen to people we know. Yeah. Where they'll be like, they weren't going to go to something or they have a dream about something, they tell them. Yep. And it ends up being this crazy thing. I believe in that shit. I fully believe in that stuff. I think we get messages for a reason. Yeah. Who knows from who or what. But I also think your message of like, you can believe what you want to believe and I won't shit on you for it. It's important. Is an awesome message and more of us need to have that. A hundred percent. [47:05] Yeah. All right. Last tale. The time my brother's little man on the crib turned into a demonic poltergeist that knew my name. Wow. Wow. [47:12] That's crazy. What a title. Hey, Ash and Elena, my name is Alicia. Go ahead and use that bad boy. Alicia, Alicia. Allow me to start my email like every other fangirl that emails you rad gals. I am a huge true crime gal. In fact, I am watching I Survived a Serial Killer as I type this. Wow. Some sort of true crime is always playing in the background. I discovered your podcast last year and have been hooked ever since. Naturally, I started on episode 400 and whatever and worked

[47:43] Eventually... [47:44] Oh, you said Bass Ackward is kind of your thing. Eventually, I wisened up and started at episode one. Oh, man. Wow. Yes, the episodes where Ash claims she sounds like she's underwater. We both do. Yeah, I was going to say. I understand. It was a different time, Nicholas. It's hard to explain, Nicholas. Knowing that the sound gets better eventually, I push through them, and bam, crystal clear. You guys have gotten me through many a car rides for work, so for that, thank you. You're welcome, and thanks for hanging in. Yeah. Random side note, there will probably be a few hundred of these throughout my email, because let's face it, I'm a mom of two. [48:14] energy-siphoning tiny terrors that not only sucked up all the energy from my body, but every last damn brain cell that I've ever had, so I can't stay focused, and I can't keep my thoughts straight. Neither can Nicholas. See, Nicholas is like, I feel it. Yeah, but I digress. I own both of Elena's books, and I cannot wait to read them. Thank you. But again, tiny terrors, reading is slow. It's okay. Pre-order the third one. Catch up and pre-order the third one, and you could enter the chance to win that bookmark. Yeah, I get that. It's such a good... Keep your receipt. [48:44] love true crime, gore, etc. I cannot handle the paranormal though. In fact, I've only seen Paranormal Activity 1 and I don't even know how it ends because I buried my head in my then-boyfriend's shoulder because I didn't want to see the demon's face. Honestly, Paranormal Activity is scary as hell. I've actually never seen any of them. [49:02] I tell you every time I tell you that, that's the face you make. That's the next Scream movie. All right. Watching Paranormal Activity. Oh, yeah. It's your choice, actually. That's my choice. I'm actually really afraid of those. You heard it here first. Period. I also refused to sleep next to the door that night because, let's face it, if anyone is getting drugged down the hallway to hell by some demon, sure as fuck ain't gonna be me. Hell yeah. I also made it clear that I would make no effort to save my then-boyfriend. Give me a morbid mutilation any day of the week. You can keep that paranormal shit. It's for the birds. You know how much John hates birds?

[49:32] That's how much I hate paranormal stuff. He hates birds a lot. I love birds. [49:37] In fact, there were so many birds in my yard yesterday, but we don't have our bird seat out. And I was like, Drew! You were like, I can feed you! I have to feed my children! I've never been a huge fan of Halloween or anything spooky. Please don't hold that against me. I'm a chicken shit, and I hate being scared. Okay. [49:52] All right. [49:52] How are you watching this? My intestines are coming out and her face is bleeding. What if we scared you? My family, however, lives for it. We're your family. I can remember my birthday sleepover in sixth grade where we watched The Sixth Sense. That movie fucked me up and I haven't watched it since. Honestly, that movie fucked me up. That movie is fucked up. Same thing with White Noise. I haven't seen that one. I haven't seen that. And I like White Noise, so I don't want to ruin it for myself. But my entire family thought it was funny to fuck with a bunch of preteens and tap on my window [50:22] mannequin head in the middle of our beds. That's funny. My dad used to dress up as a werewolf, picture, black trench coat, fuzzy hands, all of it, and chase my friends and random trick-or-treaters. Your dad sounds amazing. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure how I even had any friends after all his bullshit shenanigans, lol. My mom and her family used to run a little haunted house in the town where I grew up. What a cool family. Oh, this next part. My grandma actually played

[50:52] and powdered, picking raisin spiders out of the web... [50:56] above her eyes she recited the now debunked rhyme that's so badass grandma forever i want to be that grandma i you're gonna be damn period period i have only ever been to one haunted house in my life and it was one of those cheesy haunted houses at six flags fright fest where the spookiest thing happens to be the name which was brutal mountain or some shit like that real spooky when i was seven i guess the fact that i grew up in a real haunted house makes up for that right i would say so and [51:26] houses now i know it hurts we need to do better this year which we do say every year but we did really poorly last year we gotta do better for haunted houses i agree let's go crazy let's go nuts so on to the story as i said the house that i grew up in was like a hundred years old and is haunted as fuck love that when you walked in the door there was a small foyer which opened up to the living room dining room and kitchen one partial wall separated the living room from the other two [51:56] the three bedrooms and bathroom. Thank you. My room was right smack dab in the middle of the house where there were no windows. The only window had been boarded up and turned into a bookshelf when my dad built our laundry room back in the day. [52:09] Or in the back. I was okay with considering your shadows. I just make things up. I was okay with this, considering the shadows from the trees outside scared me if I was in my parents' or my brother's room. I told you, I'm a chicken shit. The hallway had that old 90s wooden paneling and a single lighted picture of Jesus hung on the wall right across from my room. It served as a nightlight for my scaredy ass. You said it from my room. From my room.

[52:39] cross from my rib. We're paneling in a like lighted picture of Jesus and you're like, right outside my rib. Right outside my rib. My parents' room was on one side of me and the bathroom was on the other and my brother's room was on the opposite end. I hated his room. It was always freezing. Dun, dun, dun. We all know what that means. And my mom told us later she used to see a noose hanging in the doorway. [53:01] Thank you. [53:03] What? What? What? What? What? What? You said that so casually. I'm gonna fall again. There was also a small basement, not a crawlspace, right under my room that could only be accessed from the outside. What? [53:21] I hate that so much. Board that up. What the helly? What the helly? Don't board the window. Board that. Yeah, board the crawlspace. Bye. Jesus. My mom used to tell people. In the hallway. What? I said Jesus. In the hallway. I'm only saying Jesus in the hallway from now on. Godric and Jesus in the hallway. Oh my Godric. Oh my Godric. Oh Jesus Christ in the hallway. In the hallway. My mom used to tell people the story of the time my brother woke her up giggling. She got up and asked him who he was talking to and he replied, [53:51] the crib mama my mom asked him what he looked like and he told her that he was his size red eyes horns you know oh the normal type shit a tiny person uses to describe friends keep in mind my brother is two and a half years older than me what [54:05] Fast forward a few years and I came along. I was around three and running up and down the hallway with Jesus in it. With Jesus in the hallway. Laughing and giggling with Jesus. My mom came and asked me who I was playing with. And she said Jesus. And you said, I'm playing with Jesus. Hello. But I said, the little man on the wall, mama. Jesus. He's the big man on the wall. No, he's the big guy. She got very still and asked what the little man looked like. And you said long hair, kind of zaddy-like.

[54:35] ha ha ha [54:37] Nah, she didn't say that. [54:41] He's always coming for me. He's always coming for me. Why is he always coming for me? [54:48] I, I'm, he's not allowed in my pod lab. I'm gonna get my own ghost in my pod lab, who likes me. Anyways, I told her that he was my height, had red eyes, and horns. Oh no. Hello, David. I love this. Deja boo. Even though she was freaked the fuck out that both of her children were playing with some tiny spawn of Satan that had visited us from the playful parts of hell, if such a place exists. The playful parts of hell. She chalked it up to my active imagination, and life carried on. [55:18] One night when I was seven or eight, I'm not sure of my exact age because I've slept since then, I was found asleep in bed. I heard a rustling at the foot of my bed. In bed. In bed. [55:30] uh and suddenly i opened my eyes but i didn't see anything i was that child that believed if you laid perfectly still that the monster would just be like gosh she's not there but whatever i literally still do that and just leave wrong i heard my name it was coming from the foot of my bed i opened my eyes again but this time when i looked down i saw bright red eyes and horns the little man wasn't so little anymore so i did what any seven or eight year old would do and i

[56:00] parents. My dad's side of the bed was further from the door than my mom's. She describes his exit from the bed as Superman. She said he flew out of bed. That's dad right there. Legit. He flew out of bed and landed in a straight up belly flop on the floor. That is so dad. He jumped up and ran straight to my room, beating her there. I was inconsolable and struggled to tell them what I saw. Needless to say, I was wedged tightly between them and their bed for the next week. Oh man. The next day, [56:30] He went from room to room, reciting scriptures and flinging holy water, you know, like they do in the movies. He got to my room and said he could definitely feel a presence in it. He couldn't tell what it was, but it did not like him being there. He made his way down the basement crawl space and said this was where he felt the biggest, darkest presence. Of course. Just in case you forgot, my room was right above the fucking basement. Oh, I remember. And the Jesus is outside of her door. Oh, shit. So I wonder if that added to it. Oh, shit. Like they were not liking that. Yeah. [57:00] I never saw that little man or whatever the fuck was at the foot of my bed after that, though. My mom later told us that all this strange happenings had been occurring in that house for years. Like the time they left the house and came back to find the oven turned on to 400 degrees and all of my mom's pots melted in it. Oh, shit. She was a stickler for making sure the stove was turned off and her curling iron was unplugged. Typical 90s mom shit. Or the time we were having a sleepover in the living room and she saw our dog lying amongst us sleeping kids. [57:29] She called his name to get him to move, when suddenly the dog came walking from behind her. Whoa! When she looked back at us, the hellhound was gone. I guess poltergeists have pets, too. Who knew? I don't know why that one freaks me out. Yeah, I hate that. The dog's just like, what? Just walking from behind them, and you're like, what the fuck? I don't want an unfamiliar dog in my house. No, no.

[57:48] We moved out during the summer between fifth and sixth grade. My parents rented the house to some of their friends. Damn, friends? Are you sure? Turns out they were seeing spooky shit too. Like a woman walking up and down the hallway. Was Jesus still there? Probably. The little boy that lived there collected angel statues and would find them randomly moved or broken. Guess old Pulte's taste in decor was a little darker. I've tripped by it a few times and wondered if the current owners ever experienced strange paranormal happenings like we did. [58:18] from house to house playing with all of us kids that lived on the cul-de-sac oh shit we all knew him as the little man on the insert whatever wherever he played here damn i have dreams about it yeah [58:30] I have dreams about it all the time. It's always haunted in my dreams, too. My dad was actually going to rent it to me before the other family, and the night before I was going to tell him, sure, I had a dream. It was still super doopy, freaky deaky haunted, and I decided, nope, I'll pass on the nightmare. I'll pass on that nightmare. I've also had a recurring dream where a bunch of us are in the house, and a little dead girl is walking up and down the hallway. Hate that. All of us can see her except for one person in the room, [59:00] and again, and again. Eventually, all of my dream buddies got on the same fucking page and saw the delightful dead girl, and poof, no more dream. Thank goodness you all saw her. I know. So there you have it. Sorry. I know it was long, and even though I'm going to tell you that you can shorten it or omit anything unnecessary, I can already hear Elena saying, no. No. Fuck no. Keep being the beautifully badass bitches you are. You too. You do that. One of these days, I'll get caught up

[59:30] new episodes to listen to because let's face it people be peopling way too much and murder is going to keep on murdering because humanity is fucked unfortunately true facts maybe one day i'll send in the story about my dad and how he worked at the building in st louis st louis where they kept the real life boy from an exorcism and how no one was allowed on the floor where they kept him or how the only way to get to and from the top floor of the building was in a coffin elevator [59:58] I think you should probably share that with us. We're going to need that right away. Or the time some neighbor kid saw a white figure walking down our driveway while we weren't home, but we couldn't find any footsteps. [1:00:08] Who knows? [1:00:09] I do. You're going to send those in. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed my paranormal tale and hopefully someday I'll hear it on Listener Tales episode 2347. Until then, keep it weird, but not so weird that you are walking through your home and you see a whole bunch of dead things in the hallways and a little man on the wall and on the crib. Yeah, because that's spooky. [1:00:27] Unless it's Jesus. Yeah. You know, daddy. All right. Well, damn, that was crazy. These are some good 90s tales. I love the night. We had wood paneling. We had car phones lit up. We had no cell phones lit up. Happy meals with collectible toys. [1:00:47] we had it all yeah we we did have it all in the 90s i know i want it back guys i'm having like a this is like the perfect thing for us to wear because lately i've been having such like brutal nostalgia for the 90s she really has [1:00:59] Like, brutal. I have it. It's painful. I have it, even though I didn't experience it very much. I want it so bad.

[1:01:06] Wanting something that you never had. I miss it. It's excruciating. Let's all go back there. Okay. We got to go somewhere. [1:01:12] We're going. This timeline? I think we're all going back there a little bit. I mean, the fashion's coming back. I feel like the fashion's coming back. I think people are realizing they don't want to be connected to their phones 24-7. Yeah. Like, they're, like... [1:01:24] I want sick to not do that. I want these bad boys. I want those back. I want a flip phone. T9. [1:01:29] Yeah. Hit me up. Limited minutes. Oh, whoever came up with unlimited texting. What? Yeah. Sorry. Oh, sorry. I didn't get back to you. I ran out of text. I ran out of text. It'd be the perfect excuse. I loved that. [1:01:41] I'm going to start using that. You should. Sorry, I don't have unlimited. Sorry, I'm out of minutes. I'm obsessed. Sorry I didn't answer your call. I don't have any minutes left. Well, sorry this has to be over. We're out of minutes. Yeah, we're out of minutes. Sorry. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird. But not so weird that you throw off your wig at the end of the tail. Bye. [1:02:11] Thank you. [1:02:29] Thank you.

[1:02:59] The End